Hello,good evening,wanakkam,namashkaar!…Welcome to the 1st Episode of 'Rendezvous with Renjith' where we will get to meet some interesting personalities and unravel their mysteries and secrets. Now before I introduce our first guest on the show,let me give you a brief introduction about him..He arrived on the public spotlight with a bang. His first appearance on the television was during the just concluded Cricket World Cup and the impact was so huge that even the Indian Cricket Team’s position on the popularity index was threatened.He is smart as Einstein;cool as cucumber. An envy of men’s eyes and cynosure of women’s, he is strong as Hercules,swift as light and flexible as a rubber band. He is not just dextrous. But also ambidextrous and Unlike the rest of his talkative race,his actions speak louder than words. In fact,he doesn’t talk at all! But only until now..
As most of you would’ve guessed by now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome on the show none other than the incredible,inimitable and indefatigable SUPER-ZOOZOO!!!! ( Music booming at the background : TaTaDaTa…TaTaDaTa..ta..da..da..da!)
(The guest zooms into the studio in his famous get up and he latches on to the seat infront of me waving at the audience.)
Me : (with excitement reaching a tipping point) Hello SUPER-ZOOZOO. I cannot explain how thrilled we are to have you on this show. You have been the sensation of the summer. You are everywhere. Billboards, Televisions, Newspapers, Internet. How does it feel to be the Toast of the Nation? Has the adulation sunk in yet?
SUPERZOOZOO (SZ) : (clears his throat triggering a thunder in the skies..The moment is here.. We are gonna hear the Legend himself talking!) Hello everybody. Well well well! What can I say? Am just humbled. Totally. Never expected this sort of a reception. All I have to say is thank you very much for your love….You guys are great. Really.. I love India.(triggering a massive round of applause)
Me : Certainly,we love you too. Now.. with your 2 month stint in India,you must have realized that we Indians are a very curious lot. And one question which continues to intrigue every Indian is..Who exactly is this SUPER-ZOOZOO? What’s is it that sets you apart from other zoozoos? Since we still haven’t been able to decode your language, we haven’t got our answers yet.
SZ : Hmmm. Quite understandable. I am one of the only 2 people in my planet who can speak English. In fact,I can speak each and every language spoken in this entire universe. But first things first. We hail from a planet called Zoobi Doobi which is far far away from earth in a different galaxy altogether. The language we speak is Zoobeidan. There are millions of zoozoos there who live their lives just like you Indians do. Even we value the family system,moral values. Even we feel the power of love. Even we have fights with our neighbors like you. We are just as normal as you. But 1 big difference is,we don’t have to bribe anybody like you have to!
Me : Ha ha. You do have a good sense of humor. But you still didn’t answer my question. Who is this superzoo? You have been an enigma to every listener,every viewer and every reader. Please tell us the secret that distinguishes you from others.
SZ : Like I mentioned earlier,I am one of the only 2 super-zoozoos who have been entrusted the entire responsibility of protecting every soul in Zoobi Doobi . Just like a human,every zoozoo has 2 parents. But the reason why I am different from them is, I don’t have 2 parents. I have 4..I was born out of a confluence between Eil,Fuay,Azl and Werd which are the Zubeidan equivalents of Earth,Fire,Wind and Water. Eil gave me the morality and will power. Fuay lended me the strength and passion. I inherited my speed and skill from Azl. And Werd passed on His Highness’s flexibility and purity to me.
Me : Woooooow! That’s just great. By the way, you keep saying there are 2 super-zoozoos. Who is the other? Your twin brother?
SZ : No. He is my alter-ego.
Me : (Gulping. Just discovered that this was a 2 in 1 package!) So how exactly did you manage to reach our planet? And that too India!
SZ : Well. It was Arun Sarin you know..The former CEO of Vodafone..It was his sincere efforts to bring 3G to India that truly won my heart. I was born with an in built passion sensor. It helps me detect the slightest seed of passion that germinates in every nook and corner of this universe. Every year Zoobi Doobi gets countless signals from your planet to be a part of their ventures.and guess what. Most of them are from Hollywood!
There was this guy. Umm..what’s his name?...mmm..Steven Spielberg I guess. He invited me to play the lead in his film some 30 years ago. But we Zoozoos hate to be in the limelight. We are quiet workers. And hard workers. We do not enjoy fame and money. So I immediately diverted those signals to another planet. And that is how Extra Terrestrial was made. There were calls from NASA too. But they were so weak that I just ignored them. I always wondered why Hollywood never took over NASA. They could have saved a lot of taxpayer’s money spent in mere attempts to establish a contact with my space buddies. But that’s none of my business.
And now back to Arun Sarin. It was his vision and mission to bring 3G to India . He dreamt about it day in and day out. So at first, I sent some of the zoozoos as a part of a cultural exchange programme(one way exchange I would say) and Arun was quite impressed them and featured them in the 2g ads. And then one day, I saw this light flickering brightly on my mental computer originating from Arun’s mind. And that’s when I thought I will offer to help. They were in search of a Brand Ambassador who would symbolize FASTER,SMARTER and BETTER. So I willingly stepped in and did them all for free. It was a challenge to compete wit SRK’s superhero trailers for the audience’s attention. But going by the response, looks like sense has prevailed and the verdict is out on who is stronger. Poor guy. He did try hard. But at the end of the day, he ain’t my alter-ego ;-) It’s sad that Arun had to step down soon after that and make way for a new guy. But his legacy continues.
Me : Bravo! U certainly are a marvel. Now coming to all the exploits you do on screen. How do you do it? Do you follow a strict routine? How does your day start?
SZ : First of all I sleep only for an hour. Not because I need it. But because, I can’t let my mental PC get overheated. Then I sit and meditate. In which Werd(Water ) himself cleanses me physically,psychologically and spiritually.(so that takes care of my bath). Followed by a light breakfast of hot sunrays. Sometimes I miss the native food. So I fly back to Zoobi Doobi,have that and come back in a minute. Then, I follow it with a rigorous work out. Push ups on my index finger bein just one of them. I am trying to improve myself..pushups with body absolutely in no contact with ground is my goal. Then I revise my flying lessons by circling the earth. I try not pushing myself hard. I just jog at 280000 kms per sec. Then I just meet up with other visiting zoozoos, help them out of their troubles,then ads..and so on..
Me : That’s a very rigorous schedule. So have you ever felt threatened by anybody? Specially Superman, Batman and all..They are quite powerful as well.
SZ : Threatened and me? I am least bothered. My job is to protect the needy. I just try doing my job. In fact I can never be like Superman and Batman. And I don’t wish to. Never quite appreciated their fashion sense actually. I firmly believe that not wearing an underwear is better than wearing an underwear outside.
Me : Then who is your favourite superhero?
SZ: My alter-ego.
Me : And favourite actor?
SZ : Rajinikanth. He is such a brilliant actor. I get so emotional watching his movies. Everything that he does reminds me of me..a true Legend(gets emotional and sheds a tear.. which he wipes away with the flick of his finger…just like Rajini sir!)
Me : Ooooh..Thats so sweet.. So what are your future plans? How long will your stay in India continue?
SZ : I will be out of here soon. As soon as I feel I have realized Arun’s dream completely, I will be back to Zoobi Doobi with my compatriots. I think in a few more months, Vodafone 3G will become the market leader in this country. And if that happens, I will be really glad and it will be a job well done.
Me : So any message you would like to extend to our dear viewers?
SZ : Well thank you Indians once again. You have been great guests. I will like to keep coming here again and again. I was here for the premier of Robot last year. But I came in disguise. In fact I make sure I attend all films of Rajini sir. Hmmm.. Now that the secret is out, am sure all you cunning Indians will be waiting for me for his next release! He he he…And kids watching this programme ,I want to warn you. “The acts and stunts done by me are thoroughly personal and professional. Please do not imitate at home. You all are superheroes in your own right. Be good sons and daughters and make the country proud.”
Me: Thank you soooooo much SuperZoozoo for being on this show. It was so kind of you to finally open
your mouth. Honestly,we all thought you were dumb, as in ,mute. But you are really a superstar and we wish you and everbody in Zoobi Doobi a great life. (Music starts playing at the background : Zoobi Doobo..Zoobi Doobi..Pam Pa Ra..)
SZ : (Smiling widely at the song and blushing at the same time)Thank you very much. It was a pleaure talking to you too Renjith.
Next moment, He has whizzed out of the studio in his trademark speed with his cape fluttering behind. Phew! Undoubtedly,one of the most amazing personalities I have met. I was simply flattened by his mere presence. And needless to say,the next day,I found myself in a Vodafone outlet to buy a new sim!
(Note : If you happen to be the Vodafone CEO by any chance, you owe me a fortune for the free publicity I just gave you! )